Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
