I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
