bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
being pregnant is like rehab
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
