Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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