Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Come share oat with me in your robe
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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