So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
