"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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