I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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