Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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