My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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