We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
