Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
