I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
