i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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