she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Drake has all the answers
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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