WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
