Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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