seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
