I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
