My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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