Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
