I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I see more hoeing in ur future
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
