i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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