Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
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Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
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We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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