She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
