WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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