I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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