i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
