don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
