atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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