Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
