took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
