Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize