Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
