I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
do herpes really smell.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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