So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
