Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I currently don't understand fingers.
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