Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
