i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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