Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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