You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize