Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
