Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you inspire me to be a worse person
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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