I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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