he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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