Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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