I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
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she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
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I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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