Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
