I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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