I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
