I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
