She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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