we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
