You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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