I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
