I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
