im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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