she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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