Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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