Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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