Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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