I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize