i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
