Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
